so like..why do i always gotta be lonely?

gawd..its been like 2 months & a week since i had a relationship..don't get it twisted though..i love being single. There ain't no limits for me..ain't nobody to be trippin' over my actions..and there ain't nobody to be gettin' all insecure and shit about. Relationships are just a buncha drama anyway..

but then..i miss having to claim somebody as your own. I miss that feeling of assurance of love that i get from the special someone yanno? might seem funky..but i also miss the drama in a relationship. The drama..is what makes a relationship so interesting..its like something that continually test if ya can pull through with what you got.

ya feel me?

1.

[i finally got to watch the video :]

Life goes on....damn i wish it didn't have to go so fast though. Whatever your doing right now is already the past. You can't stop time from going..but you can make the most of your time by livin' your life to the fullest..i shouldn't be the one saying all this junk & i know there are alot of people out there who don't appreciate living..but think about it this way...being able to breathe, walk, straight out live is the greatest gift you can have right now.

hmm..so why am i bringing up this junk? because me & one of my trusted homies were just bored to death so we started to reminisce about memories from a year back..One year..i didn't think time would move on so fast..all the memories i created with the crew..so sad how thats what they'll only be now..memories. Damn..i wish the crew wasn't always hating either..back then..it used to be just straight out chillin&killin..now..thanks to some lil girl..the group just started to separate.

Iono how it happened..i got myself to blame for even knowing her..but then..either way..even if i go back in time & just block her azz online..she still woulda gotten the foo' she was after. That foo'..my homie..he shoulda known better then to be gettin' with a young'n and to straight out abandon his crew..yanno..we were down with whatever the fck he did..no matter how wrong it was [yeahhh..he just loves going after the "leftovers" of his homies]..but he just hadda break one of the important rules of being with a crew.."bro's over ho's"..a genuwine rule i made way back then..I cant believe this foo'..he'd risk it all just for some young'n who doesnt even know the meaning of love.

oh well though..once he's through with this shit..he'll come running back to the crew that he ran out of..cept it wont be much of a crew later..it'll be just me..the one thats always been true to you from the start.

[gawd..this song has memories]

i remember how we first met..wearin' that matchin' red&white color scheme.
i remember how you would always make an attempt to say "hi" whenever i passed by.
i remember how we would always be talkin' online.
i remember how i told you that i woulda went out with you if i wasn't taken.
i remember how we would always c-mail each other even when we got nothing to say.
i remember how i scared ya at the park becuz i just popped right behind you :].
i remember how i always said that your "beautiful" even though you always denied it.
i remember how i was like "eh" whenever you always said "love ya".
i remember how i used to walk you home afterschool.
i remember how we hugged for the first time before you hadda go to P.I. and how you wouldn't let me go.
i remember how i was missin' you like mad while you was gone.
i remember how you said that you thought about me ALOT becuz you missed me soo much.

i remember seein' you smile whenever i hugged you after that.
i remember our talks at your stairway and how i was always stallin' when i knew i hadda go home.
i remember carryin' you that one cold day & how people were suspecting somethin' was going on between us.
i remember how you would always turn your head when i tried to kiss you becuz it didn't seem right.
i remember the day i finally asked you out..after making you wait for so long.
i remember feelin' so insecure & confused about what i felt about you.
i remember when i told you not to say "i love you" unless you meant it..becuz truth was..i wasn't sure if i did.
i remember watchin' fat albert with you & how i tried to resist from kissin' becuz i didn't want you to get sick.
i remember when we would always kiss before leaving to go to our classes.
i remember always walking you to your bus becuz i hadda stay after for basketball practice.
i remember c-mailin' you becuz i couldn't be with you for our anniversary.
i remember how much i was missin' you during the trip becuz i wasn't with you.
i remember c-mailin' when i was in kuni becuz i didn't want you to be feelin' lonely.
i remember how happy you said you felt when i c-mailed.
i remember holdin' you tight when we finally got to be together on our 2nd[&last] anniversary.

i remember finally realizing how much i love & care about you when you gave me that note that ended it all.....

_________

it's been..1 week since you let your lies show & 4 weeks since its been over. damn..ya can't imagine the misery i'm still going through. The knowing that your with someone else just stabs my heart..knowing that he's holding you the same way i held you..knowing he kissin' ya the same way i did..but one thing i know he can't do..he can't love you like i do.

i just don't know what it is about you that gots me so twisted. its not one thing..its everything about you..but yeah..i'm hoping you read the stuff up there..its all memories of you&me..don't throw them away..yanno maybe if you read between the lines..you'll finally know how much i cared & loved you..

this entry is dedicated to you...rachel.

"637" - 8402 74317

"before i let you go..can i get a kiss goodnight?"

so like..i gotta make poems for Mr. Bogen's class and this one just hit me when i was thinking about stuff. hmm..tell me watchu think..cuz personally..i give it a B-.

Before i let you go

Maybe it should be over.
This love will never grow
It's as good as it'll get..
as far as it'll go.

A kiss,
A hug,
A talk or two,
is all i'll ever get from you.

Before you say "why?"
I want you to know.
I'm full of lust..
I'm sorry if I misused your trust.

Before I let you go
Know that my love is true
But it just isn't strong enough
to make me stay with you.